


Bringing the Doctor Back

by Lastsyns



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Depression, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Rape Aftermath, Restraints, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-31
Updated: 2014-02-13
Packaged: 2018-01-10 16:27:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1161951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lastsyns/pseuds/Lastsyns
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the year that never was, the Doctor attempts to commit suicide. Now forced to stay on Earth can Martha and Jack save the Time Lord</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Jack and Martha had walked away from the Doctor after the year that never was. Jack returned to the comfort of his team who he had thought of often when he was chained inside the Valiant. Martha had her family and they needed her to get over their ordeal. The Doctor was alone again. He had no one but the year that never was weighed heavily on his mind. He felt guilty for all the lives lost and the pain he had caused so many people. The feelings weighed him down until they were all he could see. He had caused the destruction of his own race and almost lost the human race. He was a monster and he deserved this. He wouldn't be able to hurt anyone again.

-DW

Martha sat anxiously by the Doctor's bed and waited. They had almost been too late. When the TARDIS had landed in the hub her and Jack were anxious to see the Doctor again, but when the door failed to open, Jack went into investigate. That is when they found him. He was laying by the console on the floor. Both of his wrist had been slashed from the bottom of his hands up towards his elbows, and the knife was laying on the ground nearby. It was obvious to both of them that he hadn't been attacked. Martha fell to her knees as Jack tried to stop the bleeding. The Doctor's breath was short and shallow.

"Get him to the medi-bay." Martha demanded as she ran in there before him and quickly dug out IV's and spare blood she knew that the Doctor kept. He was covered in it and it had ran down underneath the console, making it impossible to tell how much he had lost. Martha had kicked Jack out of the medi-bay as Owen rushed in to help her. He let Martha take the lead on care for the Doctor and ran about as she gave the orders.

Together they set up the IV's using the veins in his feet instead of his wrist. As she had worked to stabilize him the Doctor crashed. Cursing Martha was barely able to bring him back as they quickly squeezed the blood through the IV to get it back in his body. Owen then took one wrist and Martha the other and together they stitched the Doctor up before bandaging his wrist.

Even though he was unconscious after almost two hours of work he was stable. Jack had dug out thick straps while they worked and they attached the Doctor's arms and legs to the bed as a precaution. At this point, they didn't know when or even if he would wake up. Jack had left the medi-bay after they were sure that the Doctor was stabilized. Martha could hear him getting sick in the other room and she understood she felt ill herself.

But she wasn't going to leave his side, not yet. She had faith that the Doctor would wake up and when he did she had questions and he would no longer be allowed not to provide her answers.

-DW-

"How is he doing?" Jack asked coming back in a few hours later to check up on the Doctor.

"He's still unconscious but stable." Martha replied as she changed over the IV's. "I am declaring him mentally unfit and I want him moved off of the TARDIS and the TARDIS to be locked up until which time it is determined that he is able to take care of himself again."

"How long will that be?" Jack questioned.

"How ever long it takes." She responded as she used a damp cloth to wipe the Doctor's face. "We should have never left him alone. I should have gone with him."

"You can't blame yourself." Jack wrapped Martha in his arms.

"Can't I." she stated angrily pulling away from Jack. "Owen is preparing the autopsy room for him to stay in. Then we will transport him."

"I will lock the TARDIS down," Jack told her as he moved to the console room. He would remind her later that he was the leader of Torchwood and gave the orders. Right now they were all in shock and desperate to save there friend. The strongest man he had ever known had fallen.

-DW-

He woke up in a panic. He could feel his arms and legs were restrained and a mask was over his mouth and nose. He opened his eyes and saw the IV's going into his left foot and the bandages on his wrist. His mind felt slightly cloudy with drugs racing through his system. His eyes darted around the room as he struggled, he didn't recognize where he was and didn't remember how he got here. The last thing he remembered was being on the TARDIS in the console room. How had somebody got aboard his TARDIS?

"Easy," a male voice said soothing. He panicked further when he didn't recognize the voice. He pulled on the restraints and tried to sit up.

"Let me go," He screamed angrily as he continued to fight against the restraints. He watched as the man picked up his phone.

"He's awake and he is not happy," the man said into the phone before closing it.

"Where am I?" The Doctor asked angrily.

"You're safe, you're in Torchwood." The man answered.

"That's not safe," He cried out.

"You are safe though," Martha said coming into the room. "Three days I wait for you to wake up and the minute I go to bed to get decent sleep you decide to." She walked up to his bed and gently caressed his head with her hand. He stopped struggling at her touch, confused but relieved to see her.

"Why am I restrained?" He asked her.

"You can go Owen, I have it from here." She told the man and the Doctor watched him leave before turning back to Martha. Martha checked the IV's and removed the oxygen mask, before sitting down next to his bed.

"What's the last thing you remember?" She asked him and his gaze fell to the floor before looking guilty.

"That is why you are restrained." She said. "We almost lost you Doctor."

"You should have let me die." He told her still not meeting her eyes.

"You don't really believe that." She said sadly.

"Don't I?" He questioned her.

"You saved everyone on this planet numerous times. How can you think you deserve to die?"

"Let me go," The Doctor told her not answering her question.

"I'm afraid I can't do that." Martha answered.

"You have no right to keep me here." The Doctor yelled at her.

"Actually I have every right. You tried to commit suicide. If the TARDIS hadn't landed here you would have succeeded too. So until I feel you are mentally fit to continue on your own I have declared you mentally unfit and Jack has agreed to take you in...

"I'm not human, your laws don't apply to me." He hissed interrupting her.

"You're right but with your TARDIS locked down you're not going anywhere. As I was stating Jack has agreed to take you in his care until which time you are declared mentally stable again. You will be required to have daily therapy sessions and I am putting you on anti-depressants among any other pill I find you should take. Any questions?" Martha finished off.

"I refuse."

"You can refuse all you want. It doesn't change the course of action Doctor." Martha said. She stood up. "Now you should get some more sleep. It is just after midnight."

"I don't need sleep." He snapped.

"Then sulk all night if you want." She snapped back. "I have been up most of the last three days caring for you and I for one am going to bed." She stormed out of the room. The Doctor began to struggle against the restraints again.

"You won't get loose." Jack told him as he entered the room. He was carrying two cups with him and one of them had a straw in it.

"And so my keeper arrives." The Doctor said sarcastically as he lay still on the bed again.

"You didn't give us much of a choice Doctor." Jack sat down in the vacated chair and sat one of the cups down and offered the straw in the other to the Doctor. The Doctor stared at Jack.

"It's just tea." Jack told him and The Doctor took a drink. "I'm sorry I left you Doc. I didn't realize the amount of pain you were in or I would have never left. That doesn't change the fact that you should have came to us before you tried to end it. I just hope you know that we aren't keeping you here because we hate you. Far from it. We just want to help you."

He moved the tea and sat it down on the table before picking his own coffee up. The Doctor just stared at him as he placed his head back against the pillow. Jack could see hatred in the cold brown eyes of the Doctor and couldn't figure out who it was directed at. At this moment Jack would believe everyone. Even though the Doctor claimed he wasn't tired, his body was still recovering and the Doctor was asleep within an hour.

Jack just sat there and watched him. The pain and stress was still evident on the Doctor's face even as he slept and Jack couldn't help but wonder if the man ever felt any peace. When morning came, Jack retreated to the kitchen and made the Doctor a simple breakfast of oatmeal with banana and a cup of tea before heading back to the medical room. He refused to think of it as an autopsy room. Not now, not with how close he had come to losing the Doctor. He sat down the bowl and then gently woke the Doctor.

"Come on sleepy head. You can't sleep all day." He whispered as he rubbed the Doctor's shoulder to stir him.

"Nothing else to do." The Doctor responded as he tested the restraints. He lifted his head a little before glaring at Jack and slamming it back into the pillow.

"Sure there is. You have three meals to eat, therapy and Martha wants to change your bandages."

"No," The Doctor said.

"I'm sorry Doctor but you don't have a choice. You lost that right. If you don't want to eat that is fine, but Martha will put a feeding tube down your throat if you keep refusing. So you have the option now to have a nice warm bowl of banana oatmeal and a hot cup of tea, or a piece of plastic shoved down your throat later."

"I'll have the oatmeal." The Doctor sighed.

"Good choice." Jack smirked. Much to the Doctor's embarrassment Jack fed him while he laid restrained on the bed. He finished the oatmeal and drank more of the tea. He actually felt a little better, not that he would admit it. He was still angry. He didn't know who he was angry at more though. Himself for thinking he was all alone or them for trying to keep him from harming himself again. He would still do it, he realized. His eyes glanced over to the medicine cabinet and he wondered if there was aspirin in it. Just one pill and it would all be over. That's how he should have done it, he thought.

"Anything dangerous for you has been removed." Jack commented following the Doctor's eyes. The guilty look followed by anger again proved Jack was right. He offered the Doctor another drink of tea and when the Doctor refused he finished off the lukewarm liquid himself.

"Good Morning," Martha said cheerfully as she entered the room. "How are you feeling today Doctor?" The Doctor glared at her not phased she continued. "I see you ate your breakfast and had a drink. Did he sleep at all?"

"He slept almost six hours." Jack told her as she began to check the IV's.

"Good. I am just going to check your wrist." She informed the Doctor. She carefully unwrapped the bandages. The Doctor looked over but from his angle he couldn't see the damage he had done. Martha kept the fake smile plastered on her face though.

"You're healing well. I am a little worried about how red the cut still is though. I think you might be getting an infection." She commented as she re-bandaged his wrist and then checked the other one. "You're right wrist is defiantly more inflamed." She finished checking his cuts before heading over to the cupboard and pulling out a syringe and a vial of medicine.

"Jack I need you to help me. I am going to give him an antibiotic injection." Martha said.

"I don't need it." The Doctor stated firmly. Martha ignored him as she had Jack unhook his leg and then bending it at the knee roll the Doctor slightly up. He cursed at her as she stuck the needle into his backside and gave him the injection. He was still cursing as Jack locked his leg back down. He continued to curse as they both stepped out of the room.

"I don't know how long I can do this." Jack whispered as the Time Lord screamed.

"Me either," Martha admitted. "It's hard but we have to keep it up for his sake. It's only the first day he has been awake. It will get easier in time. I think though that we should see about getting him a safe room he can be in once he is a little better. I believe he would respond better then being restrained."

"I agree." Jack looked in as the Doctor went quiet and saw that he had given up fighting and was just laying angrily on the bed again.

"Go to him. Owen will be down in about an hour for his first therapy session." Martha commented. Jack hugged Martha briefly before heading back down to the Doctor. He sat down in the chair not bothering to comment on the fit the Doctor just threw.

"Why is Martha here anyway? I thought she was going to work for UNIT." The Doctor commented.

"She is, but Martha and I have become friends and she was visiting and helping out here for awhile. She has also decided to stay until you are better." Jack leaned back in the chair. "Maybe when you are feeling better you can work for me too."

"Me work for Torchwood." The Doctor sounded sarcastic.

"Just as an adviser."

"In that case I advise you shut this place down." The Doctor glared at him.

"I told you this Torchwood is different. I rebuilt it in your honor. Now as an adviser you would help catalog the artifacts that come threw the rift." Jack told him. "You don't have to decide today but at least think about it. If nothing else it would give you something to do while you are stuck here."

"I am only stuck here until I can get to my TARDIS."

"Which I have locked down and will only unlock once Martha and Owen give you the all clear. So you might as well get use to it because you are going to be here for awhile Doctor."


	2. Chapter 2

To say things could have gone worse the rest of that first day was an understatement. The Doctor refused to talk to Owen and pretended to sleep the whole time Owen was in the room, snoring loudly and rudely as Owen tried to talk to him. He refused to eat lunch and dinner despite threats of a feeding tube. Finally come night fall Martha followed through on the threat and with her, Owen and Jack fighting him managed to get it through his nose and down into his stomach. The Doctor then proceeded to fight against the restraints until Martha became afraid he was going to hurt himself. He cursed at her as she gave him a little bit of a sedative to calm him down.

He lay there miserable and alone. Once he was sedated they left him alone in the room. The tape holding the tube in place irritated him and he swore he could feel the tube all the way to his stomach. His stomach was full, but he didn't feel satisfied by the meal. His body ached and his wrist itched where they were healing. His left foot was sorer then the right from the IV's and he realized much to his displeasure he had a catheter as well. He just wanted to be back on his TARDIS, in the comforts of his own room, in his own bed. A tear slipped from his eye followed by another. He lay there and cry until he couldn't anymore.

-DW-

"Why the sudden change?" Jack asked as he watched the Doctor crying on the CCTV. "He had been mad but doing okay in the morning and then he suddenly decided to fight us. Maybe I shouldn't have offered him a job."

"He isn't just going to accept he needs help." Martha told Jack taking a sip of her coffee. "We have a long road ahead of us and he is going to have many setbacks. We just have to keep pushing him forward and catching him when he falls. I never said it would be easy, but in the end it will be worth it."

"I hope so, for his sake." Jack glanced back at the CCTV where the Doctor was now just staring at the ceiling again. "I'm going to give him a little while to finish calming down and then take him a cup of tea."

"Do you want me to remove the feeding tube?" Martha asked.

"I can do it." Jack responded. Martha gently rubbed Jack's back in small soothing circles. Martha understood the internal fight Jack was going through. She wanted to run in there and comfort the Doctor but she knew that if she backed down now everything they were trying to accomplish would be over. So instead she waited with Jack.

-DW-

It was late before he saw anyone again. He was almost relieved to hear the door open and turned his head to see Jack coming down the stairs. He was carrying two cups again and he didn't look happy as he placed them on the table next to the Doctor.

"I'm sorry," The Doctor whispered. Jack kissed him on the forehead.

"Don't be sorry, just try harder tomorrow, okay?" Jack said and the Doctor nodded. "I'm going to remove the feeding tube now and then how about a nice cuppa."

"Please," The Doctor almost whimpered in his misery. Jack carefully pulled the tube out and then put it aside to be cleaned. He then offered the Doctor a drink of tea. The Doctor sipped the tea contently before he spoke again.

"When can I get out of these restraints?" He asked Jack.

"When Owen says you are ready." Jack responded. "If you had actually talked to him today, you might be unrestrained at the moment. Keep in mind Doctor that you are the one drawing this out at the moment."

"So if I suddenly talk about my past everything is just going to be fine. Talking doesn't bring people back or change what has happened Jack." He was snapping again. "Talking doesn't change what I have done."

"No, but actually telling somebody what's bothering you rather then holding it all in might make you feel better. Holding it in to the point where you slit your own wrist..."

"Shut up." The Doctor hissed.

"No," Jack responded calmly. "You tried to kill yourself. How is that better than talking to someone?"

"Because at least I couldn't hurt anyone again." The Doctor said weakly, not looking at Jack. "Even after all he did to me, you, and everyone else in that year, I still wanted to save him. What kind of a man does that make me?"

"A better one then me." Jack told him and the Doctor finally met Jack's eye. "I would have shot him point blank with no hesitation. The fact that you forgave him after everything he had put you through, no one else there could have done that. And what I want you to think about is if you could forgive him for everything he did and was going to do, why can't you forgive yourself?" The Doctor started to open his mouth and Jack put a finger to his lips.

"I want you to think about it honestly before you answer." He offered the straw to the Doctor again and the Doctor drank quietly why he thought about it. His mind though had other ideas and was growing foggy from the hot tea and the long day. His eyes drifted closed and he forced them open again.

"Get some sleep and tomorrow we will have a better day." Jack said soothingly as he brushed the hair out of the Doctor's face.

"Will you stay with me until I'm asleep?" The Doctor asked quietly. He didn't want to be alone again.

"If you want me too." Jack responded and the Doctor nodded. Jack got comfortable as the Doctor closed his eyes and soon after drifted to sleep. He awoke again after only a few hours and was surprised to see Jack was still there. Jack was leaning back in the chair with his legs propped up on the table a book rested on his chest as he snored softly. The Doctor smiled as he closed his eyes and drifted back to sleep.

-DW-

"Good afternoon. It is nice to see you're awake today." Owen said pleasantly as he entered the room.

"What makes you think you are qualified to help me?" The Doctor asked not returning the greeting. He had been sulking all morning and was still not happy. He had eaten his breakfast of fresh fruit and toast without complaint but Jack was sure that was more because he didn't want the feeding tube again then that the Doctor was being compliant.

"Be nice." Jack chastised him. The Doctor turned his head to look at Jack.

"It's a valid question." The Doctor stated before turning his glare back to Owen.

"I'm going to leave you two alone to talk while I get some work done. I will be back with lunch." Jack announced as he stood and left the room.

"So you agree now that we are trying to help you." Owen said pulling up a chair.

"Don't start that with me. Don't ever think you are smart enough to play games with me." The Doctor taunted. "Now unrestrain me and I might talk to you." Jack chuckled as he closed the door. Martha was standing there and gave him a curious look.

"What?" she asked.

"Poor Owen, I might have to give him a pay raise." Jack laughed.

When Owen exited the room an hour later Jack felt bad. Of all the time he had known Owen he didn't think he had ever seen him look more frustrated. He watched Owen go over to the CCTV screen and sit down in front of it. Ianto brought him a cup of coffee and Owen accepted it as he stared at the screen.

"Bad time?" Jack asked coming over and sitting by him.

"I think I was given a history on every species in this universe but him." Owen muttered.

"That's the Doctor for you. He doesn't like to talk about himself." Jack explained.

"If he has a better day today, I am going to agree to remove the restraints but I still want him on a twenty four hour suicide watch for the time being." Owen said standing up again and handing Jack his coffee. "Now I will be at the pub if you need me."

-DW-

Jack brought the Doctor chips for lunch, hoping he would eat still. The Doctor looked up at Jack expectantly as he sat the chips down but when it became apparent Jack wasn't going to remove the restraints the Doctor began to sulk again. He accepted his lunch quietly. After he finished eating Jack sat on the edge of the bed and gently began to massage the Doctor's legs.

"Please Jack. I won't try and run just remove the restraints." The Doctor pleaded. "If you wanted to break me, you win, just take them off."

"This isn't about breaking you. It's about making sure you are getting the help you need." Jack advised him. "Now just rest and we'll see how it goes."

"Please Jack," the Doctor whimpered. Jack gathered up his plate and their cups as he stood to leave. "Jack please," The Doctor called after him breaking his heart. He returned shortly with Martha and another cup of tea.

"I heard it didn't go well with Owen," Martha said standing over him.

"I talked to him." The Doctor pouted.

"But not about yourself. So how about you talk to me instead." The Doctor rolled his eyes at her. "Let's start simple. How are you feeling today?"

"Sore," He replied miserably.

"Did you sleep well last night?"

"No."

"I'm sorry to hear that. What did you dream about?" She asked curiously. The Doctor looked at her for a moment before he opened and then closed his mouth again.

"Gallifrey." He answered quietly.

"Did it look like you described to me?" She questioned.

"No, everything was on fire. In my dreams Gallifrey is always burning."

"From the War."

"Yes." He sighed as she motioned for him to go on. He didn't want to talk to her but he wanted out of the restraints more then anything at the moment. "I was trying to save them but I couldn't. They kept slipping into the fires."

"Who were you trying to save?" Martha asked, relieved he was talking.

"Everyone. My family. My friends. Growing up I always wanted to get away from Gallifrey and now that it is gone all I want to do is go back."

"Tell me about your family." He sighed loudly again showing his discontent at her question. "Did you have any siblings? When I first met you I remember asking if you had a brother and you said not anymore."

"He died during the war. Everyone did."

"We're you two close?"

"No. He was loomed. Genetically perfect with all the traits to be a good Time Lord. I wasn't. It was rare for a child to be born due to most Gallifreyans becoming sterile. He was one of the ones who was inspired when he looked in the schism."

"And you ran." Martha smiled.

"Oh, I haven't stopped." He responded sounding like his old self and looking at her with a weak smile.

"Until last week." She sat forward and looked at him.

"I just wanted the pain to end." He lowered his eyes again. "I was tired of hurting Martha."

"You could have come to us. If not me then Jack or Sarah Jane or any other companion I am sure you have had."

"I couldn't."

"Why not?" She asked and he went quiet again. "For being a genius you can be dense sometimes. That being said if you agree to take the anti-depressants and agree that you will stay with and listen to Jack, I am willing to remove the restraints. But know I have no problem placing you back in them if necessary. Do you agree?"

"Yes." He answered meekly. Martha went to the cupboard and pulled out a Time Lord anti-depressant pill that she had gotten from the TARDIS. She placed it on his tongue and then gave him a drink of tea to wash it down. After checking his mouth to make sure he had swallowed it. She moved down to the blanket.

"I am going to remove the catheter and IV first." She advised him. He tried not to cry out as the tube was removed but he was not looking forward to the first time he had to use the loo. He lay still as Martha unhooked the IV and then moved the leg restraints followed by the ones on his arms as Jack watched on. Relief filled the Doctor as he stretched and wiggled feeling his aching joints move. He smiled in his happiness to be free of them.

Jack came up to him and helped massage and stretch his muscles that hadn't been used in a week. He felt better as he turned onto his side and clutching the pillow to him fell asleep as Jack massaged his back.


	3. Chapter 3

He was running. Around him the fires of Gallifrey raged blinding to him everything but the heat and the roar of the flames. The flames engulfed him and burned his skin and hurt to breathe as he desperately searched for anybody who was still alive. He tried to call out as he caught a glimpse of brown against the redness but he coughed instead. Frustrated he started after the figure. As he neared the Citadel he could clearly see the broken glass. Standing in front of the once proud dome was his beloved Susan. He watched in horror as the flames surrounded her and when they faded she was just ashes standing there.

His son ran past him, heading towards Susan. He grabbed his son's arm and cried out as his son turned to face him. His eyes were glassy and unseeing as the bullet wound poured blood down his face. His shirt was also soaked in blood from the two wounds over his hearts. The Doctor fell back. Tears streamed down his face evaporating from the heat before they hit the ground. He heard laughter and turned to see the Master looking at their home with glee on his face.

The Doctor woke with a start. He lay there quietly as he tried to push the nightmare away. When he was a child it had been prophesied that he would have a part in the downfall of Gallifrey. He had known this going into the war. Yet he had fought with the hope of saving them. He knew he had to stop them though when he learned of their plot to ascend to just thoughts and destroy the rest of the universe. It was his mother who had informed him of the plan. She was part of the council and planned to stand against Rassilon. He hadn't even got the chance to tell her goodbye. He had just read her message and knew he had to stop them.

Opening his eyes fully he realized that Jack was watching him. "Don't you ever leave," he snipped as he covered his eyes with his arm.

"Nope, you're stuck with me," Jack grinned. "We will do everything together, sleep, eat, shower and work."

"Jack behave." He moaned as he uncovered his eyes and sat up. He looked down at the bandages on his wrist seeing how far they stretched up his arms for the first time.

"Do you want to see what you did?" Jack questioned him softly and the Doctor nodded not trusting his voice. He held his arms out to Jack and watched as Jack slowly undid the bandages. He held his wrist facing down and looked at the back of them. The skin was a little paler but looked normal. Jack threw the bandages away and then took the Doctor's hands in his.

"Ready." Jack asked him?

"No," The Doctor admitted. He held Jack's hands tightly as Jack turned his wrist so he could see the stitches. He looked at the wounds which stretched from the bottom of his hands up his wrist. His stomach flipped and he bit his lip as he tried to stop himself from getting sick. It didn't work.

"Well now we both need a shower." Jack grimaced. He stood up and pulled off his shirt dropping it into the garbage. Jack called Martha back into the room before taking off to clean up.

Martha helped the Doctor clean up and then wrapped his wrist again after checking the right one. She was happy to see it looked less inflamed but was still concerned with how red it was.

"Where's my TARDIS?" The Doctor asked her as he watched her replace the bandages.

"She's here but she's locked up and no you won't be allowed access to her at the moment. Maybe after you've proven yourself we can see about a day trip." Martha advised, as she looked into the eyes of the Oncoming Storm. "And giving me that look is not going to change my mind."

-DW-

As Jack exited his room back to see the Doctor he saw Owen sitting on the couch. Owen swayed slightly as he looked up at Jack.

"How could you stand traveling with that man?" He slurred.

"That's not the Doctor, Owen." Jack shook his head. "He was different. More talkative but he could brood like nobody else I have ever met. He also had a northern accent and big ears, but I loved him anyways."

"He doesn't seem to like me much."

"I wouldn't take it personal, I don't think he likes anyone at the moment." Jack sat down heavily on the couch next to Owen. "I just look at him and can't believe he has fallen so far. He wasn't the happiest person when I was with him but you should have seen how he would light up for Rose. He loved her even though he knew she wasn't the best thing for him. With her he didn't care about talking about his past all he cared about was having fun and making her smile." Jack sighed. "I doubt she even knew the name of his planet."

"She didn't," The Doctor said coming into the room with Martha by his side, only wearing a pair of shorts. Then changing the subject he added. "I need a shower."

"All right." Jack stood. "Need me to wash your back?" The Doctor scowled at Jack. He huffed loudly, sighed, moaned and made many other noises as Jack followed him into the bathroom but Jack crossed his arms and stood his ground. Finally grumbling under his breath the Doctor undressed and entered the shower. He washed slowly enjoying the warm water on his skin. When he stepped out Jack had a towel and a pair of pajamas waiting for him. He dried off and then quickly dressed.

"Where am I sleeping?" The Doctor asked.

"In here with me." Jack motioned to the small room with the single bed. "And you can think about running but that door," he pointed up, "Is going to be watched on CCTV whenever we are down here and the TARDIS is locked in my vault. If somehow you get past the password door, I chained her hand break with a deadlock seal."

"What about my sonic?"

"In the TARDIS." Jack said truthfully. The Doctor sat down on the bed and Jack sat next to him. They sat in the quiet for a few minutes before Jack spoke again.

"How would you like to talk to me instead of Owen?"

"How can you help me any better?" The Doctor asked putting his face in his hands.

"I know what it feels like to be out of place and time and I was also on the Valiant too and know what the Master did."

"Not all of it." The Doctor didn't look up as he shook lightly.

"Then why don't you tell me?" Jack asked him not admitting he knew more than the Doctor realized. The Master had taken great pleasure in telling Jack when he hurt the Doctor and how the Doctor had screamed and cried. The Doctor shook his head quickly.

"Not today then. When you are ready." The Doctor nodded but didn't say anything. He didn't think he would ever be ready.

They stayed up late. Jack was working on reports and the Doctor was watching him in silence. Jack talked to him nonstop about the reports and about recent rift activity and all he received was silence in reply. That is what worried him the most, a silent Doctor was a very unhappy Time Lord. Yawning he looked at his watch and saw that it was almost midnight. He stood up and stretched before changing into a pair of shorts and using the bathroom.

"Don't you want privacy?" The Doctor finally spoke up as Jack finished getting ready for bed.

"I've got to keep an eye on you?" Jack shrugged as he flopped on the bed. "But if you need privacy to take care of yourself, I will turn my back and pretend not to watch or I can lend a hand." The Doctor turned bright red as he moved closer to the edge of the bed and he started to mumble quickly about Time Lords were above such things.

"Don't give me that. I bet you do all the time." Jack turned on his side facing the Doctor. "Were you thinking about me?" He asked as he batted his eyelashes.

"Can't I stay with Martha." The Doctor asked as he turned to face Jack almost falling off the bed.

"Nope you're stuck with me." Jack laughed he was surprised when the Doctor began to shake. The Doctor grabbed the pillow in front of him and held it tightly to his body as he curled around it. He stared at Jack over the top of it.

"Talk to me Doctor," Jack said softly.

"I can't." He mumbled into the pillow. "I just want to go to sleep."

"All right. Tomorrow night then." Jack agreed and watched as the Doctor closed his eyes. "But you are going to have to talk. Keeping it in isn't going to help you get better." Jack iterated as he lay down. The Doctor nodded at him but he didn't stop shaking until he was asleep.

-DW-

The next few days were all the same. The Doctor was overly compliant which Jack found suspicious. He barely said a dozen words all day but he ate three meals a day, took his pills and let Martha clean the bandages everyday as she was still worried about his arm. Other than that he sulked. He refused to acknowledge the others and made a point of ignoring Owen. It was when the Doctor got sarcastic with Martha that Jack decided he had enough. Grabbing his arm at the elbow he pulled the Doctor into his office and slammed the door.

"I've had enough of this. Now you are going to talk to me. I don't mind you ignoring me, but I will not have you treating Martha like that after all she did to save you." Jack snapped.

"You want me to thank her?" The Doctor asked looking up at Jack with a glare.

"You should be grateful. I don't know if you realize this but you did die Doctor. You succeeded in killing yourself and if it wasn't for Martha not wanting to give up on you, you wouldn't be here right now. She kept trying to bring you back even after Owen decided they should call it. Then she sat by your bed for three days while you were in a coma."

"I didn't ask to be saved." The Doctor yelled.

"I checked the navigation on the TARDIS. You set the coordinates to come here. She didn't do it on her own." Jack informed him. "So don't give me that crap that you didn't want to be saved." The Doctor took a deep breath and then rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. Jack noticed that he was using his left hand more the last couple of days and made a mental note to tell Martha.

"I didn't tell her to bring me here though." The Doctor said softly as he looked down.

"No, I didn't think you did, but you gave her the option and she took it." Jack took the Doctors chin in his hand and lifted his face. "It will get easier Doc, you just can't give up. So talk to me."

Jack sat back on his desk facing the Doctor. He motioned to a chair and the Doctor sat down.

"Have you always gone by Jack?" The Doctor asked.

"No, I must have gone by at least fifteen names before settling on this one. Do you know the easiest way to get a fake identity."

"Psychic Paper?" The Doctor answered and Jack laughed.

"You take the name of someone else. Did you always know Jack wasn't my real name?" Jack wondered.

"Jack isn't a common name in the 51st century. You have reasons just like I do." The Doctor shrugged.

"Have you always gone by Doctor?"

"No, in the academy I went by Theta." He responded. "I chose the name after I left."

"Does everyone choose a title for their name?"

"No, my granddaughter chose the name Susan." The Doctor sighed. "She was a lot like me. We left Gallifrey together and because of her I took my first human companions."

"What happened to her?" The Doctor looked at Jack as though he was stupid.

"She died in the war. Everyone died Jack." He emphasized the last part. "I've been alone ever since."

"You have me. I'm not going anywhere." Jack said and the Doctor smiled. "Now are you ready to apologize to Martha and have some lunch?"

"Do I have too?" He whined.

"Yep," Jack grinned pulling him up and seeing him wince slightly. Martha was defiantly going to have to look at his arm. He took the Doctor out into the hub again and down to the autopsy room, where Martha was finishing cleaning up. Martha turned and crossed her arms at them.

"I'm sorry," The Doctor mumbled.

"I forgive you." Martha responded coldly.

"You might want to try harder Doctor, she is the one going to be looking at your arm." Jack advised him.

"I am sorry for being sarcastic with you." The Doctor said quickly.

"It's fine." Martha waved her hand. "Now what's wrong with your arm besides the obvious." Martha said as she immediately went for his right arm and began to unwrap the bandages. She sighed as she saw how inflamed it still was. "Why isn't it clearing up?"

"I don't know." The Doctor said.

"Is there a stronger antibiotic I can give you?" Martha asked him.

"It's in the TARDIS."

"I can get it." Jack said. "Just tell me the name." He gave him the name of an antibiotic pill and vial of medicine. Jack disappeared. Martha bandage his right arm again before checking his left. His left arm was still healing fine. Shaking her head she bandaged it and then pulled out a lolly from her pocket. He scowled at her but accepted the candy as he tried not to smile.

Jack checked with the TARDIS to make sure both of the medications were safe for the Doctor before returning to the Autopsy room. When he came back Martha prepared the syringe after confirming with Jack that it wouldn't kill the Doctor.

"I am assuming this needs to go into a muscle, just like the last one I gave you. So how do you want to go about this?" Martha asked and the The Doctor turned bright red. He lowered his pants a little and bent over the table. Jack smirked. 

"Can Jack leave?" He asked and Jack shook his head no. 

"Behave Jack, or I will make you leave." Martha threatened and the Doctor smiled as Jack pretend to pout. 

Are you going to swear at me again?" She asked as she swabbed the injection site.

"No," He muttered and did swear under his breath as she gave him the injection.

-DW-

The Doctor always knew that he was different then other Time Lords. He had always had too much energy. It was blamed on the fact that he was born rather than loomed like the others. In all of the academy there was only less then a half dozen kids who had been born. He always thought that was why he was different from the rest. Being that most Gallifreyans were sterile it was rare a child was born. But the children who were born were frowned upon as being genetically imperfect.

The Doctor still remembered the day he joined the Time Lord Academy. He had stood among the crowd in his orange robes restlessly. Looking around he was pleased to see his friend Koschei waiting with his family. His eyes we're downcast as his father was speaking to him. Neither of them wanted to be here. He wanted to be running in the fields of Koschei's land. He held his mother's hand tightly as he waited for the speech to be over. His father stood next to his mother and slightly in front of them was his brother. He had never been close to his brother as his brother was years older than him. In fact the only thing he had been told by him as they waited was, "Don't embarrass me," something that he would fail at many times through the years.

The first time being as he stood in front of the Untempered Schism. He knew it was expected of him to be inspired but he had turned and ran instead. His father had looked at him with disappointment, and his brother had commented that he would never be a proper Time Lord.

He couldn't help it, he found life at the academy boring. He had few people he talked to, in fact Koschei was the only one he considered a friend. Something that he held on to as he became more disillusioned with the life of a Time Lord. He tried to be a good Time Lord. He followed his father's wishes and studied hard. When he came of age he agreed to the arranged marriage even though he didn't love her. He had no choice though or he would have brought shame to his father's house.

While he was still young he found himself having feelings that were beyond friendship for Koschei. He realized that he had come to love his friend but that love was not reciprocated. He was married and all he could think about was spending time with Koschei and he wondered where Koschei was. He kept his feelings to himself though. Time Lords frowned on such feelings as it was not a way to further oneself. Sex in general was frowned upon and especially if it was with one's own gender as it was for no other reason then pleasure.

As much as he hated it, he settled down and took care of his wife. On their wedding night she had cried. Not because she was happy but because she had to marry him. Indeed for the entire marriage they had separate rooms. Together they loomed three children, all boys. Though he loved his children, they weren't his, not really. All of them were good Time Lord children who as they grew up frowned upon their father's differences. He had wanted a daughter as well but it was not to be. He always knew that was why he favored Susan of his five grandchildren. She was the only daughter and like him she loved to run.

When he finally decided to steal the TARDIS and run from Gallifrey it was Susan that he had decided to take with him, leaving his wife and sons. As they traveled the stars he found his thoughts drifting to his friend again and wondered if he would have gone with him. Though their paths would cross many times over the years it wasn't until they were together aboard the Valiant that he wondered what had happened to his old friend.

-DW-

"What are you thinking about?" Jack asked him as he stared off into space.

"Koschei." He answered sounding far away.

"Old lover of yours," Jack joked.

"No, just a friend. You met him." The Doctor turned his eyes towards Jack.

"The Master?" Jack sounded surprised.

"Back when we were children he went by Koschei." The Doctor commented.

"It's not healthy to separate him into two people like that." Jack said.

"I have to." The Doctor stated as he looked down again. He reached over and scratched his arm and Jack gently slapped his hand. It was a game they had been playing all day. The Doctor had the stitches removed from his left arm and his right was still bandaged and healing slower. He had been complaining it itched and was absent mindedly scratching. Jack had tried just telling him to stop but it was more effective to slap his hand. The Doctor scowled and lowered his hand again.

"He was different before we left Gallifrey." The Doctor commented.

"It sounds like you loved him," Jack questioned curiously.

"I did, I suppose." The Doctor reached up and ran his fingers through his hair before rubbing his neck. "

"It's okay that you loved the Master Doc."

"I didn't though. I loved Koschei." The Doctor responded. He knew in his heart that Koschei wouldn't have done those things aboard the Valiant.


	4. Chapter 4

"You realize the Master and Koschei are the same person." Jack told him.

"They're not though. Koschei was my best friend and would never have ra-hurt me the way the Master did." The Doctor said, getting the closest Jack had heard yet to admitting what happened. "I named my oldest son after him and he was the Time Lord equivalent of Godfather to all three of them."

"That doesn't change the fact..." Jack began but was interrupted by a knock at his office door.

"Come in." Jack called out irritated. Ianto came in carrying food along with coffee and tea. When he left again the moment was gone and the Doctor was picking at the chicken and vegetables dish that was his dinner. As he ate he picked up an artifact Jack had laying on his desk waiting to go to the Vault. He sniggered at the "highly Dangerous, handle with care sticker," before rolling it around in his hand and tossing it in the air.

"What are you doing?" Jack hissed exasperated. He was pleased to see the Doctor taking an interest in something, but angry he was trying to kill them in the process.

"It's a toy, Jack." The Doctor grinned as he threw and caught the toy again with ease.

"It exploded killing three police officers." Jack stated coming around the desk to take it from the Doctor. "Toy or not here on Earth it is dangerous."

The Doctor reluctantly handed the toy over his amusement gone, instead he turned back to his current favorite past time of sulking and Jack let him. When Martha was getting ready to leave she came in and changed out his bandage again and made sure he took his pills. Jack watched on protectively. He was becoming to wonder if the Doctor wasn't being compliant because he was up to something but because he just didn't care anymore. That night the Doctor lay shivering clutching the pillow tightly to his chest again.

"Come here," Jack said softly as he climbed into his side of the bed. He lay on his back and lifted up his arm for the Doctor to cuddle up to him. The Doctor just shook his head no and hid further behind the pillow and under the blanket.

"Nothing sexual Doc, just comfort." Jack told him.

"I don't deserve to be comforted," The Doctor whispered breaking Jack's heart. The Doctor stared at him with suspicion in his eyes before he put the pillow aside and moved to lay next to Jack. He timidly laid his head on Jack's chest, keeping his hands tightly between them, and Jack wrapped his arm around him. The Doctor lay there stiffly for a few minutes as Jack rubbed his back, before loosening up and relaxing against him. As the shivering stopped, he snuggled closer to Jack moving his hands and laying his arm across Jack's chest. Jack moved his hand and gently started rubbing his thumb across the Doctor's wrist.

Jack kissed the Doctor on the top of the head and the Doctor sighed contently against Jack's chest. His breathing evened out and soon enough he was asleep as Jack lay awake wondering how he could help him.

-DW-

The fields of Arcadia stretched bloody in front of him. He had been sent here during the Time War mainly to hide him away. As a further disgrace it was his youngest son who was his Captain and who he had to follow orders from. He took it in stride though, he was the disgraced father and his son didn't even acknowledge him as such anymore.

He was the one who watched on though, helpless as his son was killed by the Nightmare Child's army. They had shot him through the head and then through both hearts guaranteeing that he wouldn't regenerate. The Doctor had ran as fast as he could trying to reach him but it was too late. The vacant stare in his son's eyes would haunt him for years to come.

-DW-

The Doctor awoke before Jack and with great care moved out of his arms. Jack had become lax in watching him over the last day. He hated being compliant but with Jack watching him full time there was no chance to escape. He quickly dressed and hurried up the ladder and out into the hub. Ianto was watching him from the computer.

"Need something sir?" Ianto asked and the Doctor repressed the urge to glare at him.

"Just a cup of tea." He said quietly.

"Well come with me to the kitchen and I'll make you one." Ianto said standing up.

"I'll wait with Jack." He slipped back down into their room and waited a minute before poking his head up again. Ianto wasn't in the room anymore. He quickly moved out of the room and headed down towards the vault. He looked over the keys wondering what combination Jack could have used. His sonic would make it quicker but he knew how to hack an alarm. He carefully removed the panel and was tracing the wires when he heard footsteps.

"About time." Jack came up behind him chuckling. "You had me worried. I was beginning to think you liked it here. Though if you would have waited another two days I could have won my bet against Martha. Now I owe her five quid."

"You bet if I would try to leave." The Doctor questioned.

"Not if, when you would try. Now replace that panel and come on back to bed some of us have work in the morning." Jack crossed his arms. He took another look at the wiring set up, committing it memory before following Jack.

"How?" He asked.

"Never mind that." Jack commented. He waited while the Doctor changed back into his pajamas and then crawled back into bed. He turned his back to Jack and laid as close as he could to the edge. Neither slept again. With his failed escape attempt all illusions of a compliant Doctor were gone. He laid on the bed and ignored Jack. He refused to take his pills or eat his breakfast. When Martha got there she saw the frustration on Jack's face as he sat at the top of the ladder staring down into his bedroom.

"Bad night," she asked concerned. Not saying a word Jack reached into his pocket and pulled out five quid. Handing it over to her he turned and headed towards his office.

"So you tried to escape last night." Martha commented heading into Jack's room. "Also I see you haven't taken your pills or ate. I am not above restraining you again and putting another feeding tube down your throat."

"I'd like to see you try." The Doctor mumbled into his pillow.

"Oh I know I couldn't do it on my own but with me, Jack, Ianto, Owen, Tosh and Gwen, I am sure we can hold you down long enough for me to sedate you. And before you think I can't, remember I had Jack retrieve it from the TARDIS back when you first landed. So how about we start this morning again." Martha climbed up out of the room, waited a minute and then went back down.

"Good morning Doctor," She said cheerfully. "Did you sleep well?"

"Fine," he grumbled as he sat up and took the pills sitting on the table.

"I am hoping to remove the stitches in your right arm today but we are probably going to have to leave it bandaged for another few days. How is it feeling?"

"Itchy," he commented as he picked at the cold toast. He made a face as he picked up the cup of tea and found it was stone cold as well. He wondered if Martha would take pity on him and at least let him have fresh tea and food. He glanced up at her and saw her arms were crossed as she watched him.

"If we are starting the morning over, can we start breakfast over as well?" He asked hopefully.

"I don't see why not." Martha smiled. "If you let me take care of your arm first we will find you some decent food."

"Does me trying to leave last night push back our day trip in the TARDIS," He asked as he headed into the bathroom to dress. Even though the door had been taken off so he couldn't lock himself in there it at least gave him the illusion of some privacy from Martha watching him.

"Honestly I would be more worried if you hadn't tried. Just don't make a habit of it." Martha smiled.

"I need to shave," He commented looking in the mirror and frowning at the stubble.

"Jack can help you shave later. Now let me see your arm." He came over and held his arm out to her. She unwrapped the bandages and looked at the red skin.

"You've been scratching." She tutted.

"It itches," He whined. She shook her head as she wrapped his arm back up again.

"Let's go get breakfast."

-DW-

He almost couldn't go through with stopping the Time War when he realized that it would destroy everyone on Gallifrey regardless of their age. There was no way to distinguish between one blood line or another. He parked the TARDIS on the fields that Koschei's father owned and walked them one last time. He took a deep breath of the fresh Gallifreyan air and then sat down and took off his shoes. Standing up again he walked in the red grass enjoying the feeling of it beneath his bare toes.

He walked to the edge of the property before turning to look at the mountains in the distance. Solace and Solitude loomed and he knew within them was the Citadel. The vote would be cast later today to end the war. Everyone high up, was being called back to hear the historical vote that would end the universe itself.

He thought of his son again lost on Arcadia. Just days later he had received word that both Koschei and his namesake had gone missing. The only child he knew was still alive was his middle son and he was with in the Citadel. He turned to walk slowly back to the TARDIS. Upon reaching her he gently rubbed his hand upon her soft wood and she hummed sadly at him.

He sent her into the vortex and landed far enough away he could end the war. He watched as Gallifrey disappeared from the universe leaving a black hole in it's wake. He stared at it in disbelief of what he had just done. He stumbled back to the TARDIS and out of the console room. He went through the door to the garden that held the red grass he loved so much. Laying down in it he pictured he was laying on the grass with Koschei. Time passed around him, he didn't care. He was alone. He didn't know how long he had laid there before he felt the regeneration energy spike within him and when he opened his eyes again he was balder with a Northern accent.

He still felt alone and went looking for danger. Anything to keep his mind off of what he had done. That is when he met her.


	5. Chapter 5

It had been a long time since he had taken on a companion but the minute he met Rose Tyler he knew that he wanted her as one. She made him feel alive in a way he hadn't in years. For their first trip though he took her too see the Earth being destroyed. He was trying to get her to see what it was like to lose her planet but it failed as though they could still visit Earth and his planet was gone.

Still she made him happy and if it wasn't for her, he would have never met Jack. Though at the moment that wouldn't have been a bad thing. He was staring at Jack over the top of his cup of tea as Jack was typing away on the computer. The sound was grating on his nerves. He stood up and slammed his fist down on the desk.

"Stop it," He hissed and Jack moved his hands away from the keyboard. He turned and looked at the Time Lord and folded his hands beneath his chin.

"What would you like me to do instead?" Jack asked patiently with humor in his voice.

"I want out of here." The Doctor said rubbing his hand through his hair. "I need to go somewhere. There is a meteor shower on Regulus nine or we could go skate the waves of Woman's Wept."

"You aren't taking the TARDIS anywhere so you can forget that idea." Jack said. "Would you like to go for a walk around Cardiff?"

The Doctor slammed himself into the chair and rolled his eyes. He rubbed his right wrist which just earlier in the day had finally had the stitches removed. Martha had then given him two shots in the wrist right by where the infection was located before bandaging it again. The infection was looking better but it still wasn't cleared up completely.

"Is that my only opition?" He asked sounding annoyed.

"Yes," Jack said firmly. "Take it or leave it."

"Can we go to London?"

"It's a little late today Doctor, it will take about three hours to go to London. Why don't we stay in Cardiff today and then we will go on Sunday if you are still up to it." Jack chuckled at the pouting look that crossed the Doctor's face. "Fine let's go get dressed."

He smiled as the Doctor lit up. He looked at his watch at this rate they wouldn't be in London until after six in the evening. He took the Doctor down to their room and called to Ianto to get Martha on the way.

"We're driving to London," Jack said. "I need pills and bandages for his arm for the next day."

"Do you think that this is wise Jack?" Martha asked in concern.

"No but I think I know why he wants to go and I am hoping it will help him to talk." Jack replied.

"It won't," The Doctor commented from where he was pulling his converse on, having listened to the whole conversation.

"We will see." Jack winked at him. He scowled at Jack. He finished dressing and Jack collected a small bag from Martha before heading out to the SUV. As though to prove his point the Doctor didn't say one word on the entire drive to London. Instead he sat in the passenger side of the car sulking and playing with the radio. He didn't seem to care what was on, he just made a point of turning it up when Jack tried to talk to him. Jack got the hint and instead took to enjoying the drive. When they finally arrived in London he pulled off to the side and turned to look at the Doctor.

"Do you want to go to the Powell estate now or do you want to eat first?" He asked him.

-DW-

He knew Rose wasn't good for him when she made him reckless but he still would stop and think. After he had made the decision to kill her to save Utah, he couldn't do it again. He grew jealous when she took to Adam and then again when she brought Jack on board. But he found he liked Jack. Even before he became immortal Jack didn't like sleeping much and the two would spend hours staying up late just talking. He found himself able to laugh again at stories from his past. He liked how Jack knew of Time Lords even though he thought they had been a myth. It hurt him to leave Jack on the Game Station after he felt Jack come back to life by the power of the Bad Wolf.

He chose to die to save Rose and when he changed, he thought of her and Jack and became younger, happier, though the pain of the Time War was still within him. He ran and allowed himself to love her, though he could never tell her. He also allowed himself the childish belief she would stay with him forever. It just hurt that much more when Torchwood ripped her away from him. He had actually contemplated committing suicide then but he chose not too when Donna saved him. Standing in the water with the Racnoss, he was just going to let himself drown and be over it but she had snapped him out of it and he ran instead.

She told him when she left him that he needed to find someone to travel with. She thought he needed someone to stop him. She would never know how right she really was.

-DW-

"The Powell Estate," He answered Jack and Jack turned the SUV back out and started on their way again.

"She's not there anymore Doctor and her stuff was cleaned out long ago." Jack advised him.

"I know, I put everything on the TARDIS for when they come back." The Doctor replied continuing to look out the window.

"She's not coming back Doctor." Jack told him and the Doctor ignored him. If anyone could find a way back it was Rose. Jack pulled up to the Powell Estate and stopped the SUV. 

" Are you going to run on me?" He asked the Doctor as they unbuckled.

"No where to go," The Doctor sighed as he slipped out and then went around to the front to lean on the hood. He saw someone walk across the window of her old flat and for a moment his hearts leapt with anticipation but he reminded himself she was gone. Jack came around and sat up on the hood and just stared with him for awhile.

"Do you remember when I met you and Rose?" Jack asked and the Doctor smiled. "Why she thought wearing a Union Jack shirt was a good idea. But you two were so cute. I had never teleported anyone who didn't notice before."

"We were dancing." The Doctor replied.

"She didn't think it was dancing. You only started dancing once I came aboard the TARDIS. Almost every night I was there, you two would dance around the console."

"Is there a point to this Jack?" The Doctor asked as he turned his eyes briefly to Jack and then back towards the flat.

"Why don't you talk about your past?" Jack asked finally and the Doctor looked at him as though he was stupid.

"Why don't you talk about yours?" The Doctor said in return as he stared through Jack.

"Because I'm not the one who needs to talk." Jack said.

"I'm hungry, there's a chip place around the corner that serves banana cream pie." The Doctor stood up and started to walk away from the SUV. Jack sighed and followed him. They ate as they made small talk about London. Jack made sure the Doctor took his pills and cleaned up his arm before getting ready to head back to Cardiff.

On the drive back the Doctor settled into ignore Jack again and Jack fought with himself. The Doctor wasn't going to talk willingly that much was clear to him. But he had to get the Doctor to talk. He glanced over as the Doctor absentmindedly scratched his arm again. His left wrist was facing Jack and he could clearly see the raised bump of the wound the Doctor inflicted upon himself. Jack reached over and turned off the radio and the Doctor looked at him curiously.

"You know ever since I met you Doctor, I don't think I have ever once see you look truly happy. Not even when you were with Rose did that pain in your eyes ever really go away. I know the Time War is a myth for the rest of the universe but for you it is a reality and a burden you have to carry every single day. Then when we were at the end of the universe you seemed hopeful for just a brief moment, that there was another Time Lord out there who could forgive you for what you had done. But in the end you ended up forgiving him. I asked you how can you possibly forgive him and not yourself after everything he had done. Did you think of an answer?" Jack asked the Doctor.

"I don't deserve to be forgiven." The Doctor replied sounding sad.

"When will you think that you have been punished enough?"

"When I am dead." The Doctor replied switching back on the radio.

-DW-

Even though Martha took care of him and treated him kindly, the Doctor didn't understand how she had fallen for him the way she did. He had been unkind to her from the start using her as an outlet for his pain from losing Rose. He had hurt her on purpose by telling her Rose would know but she had still helped him. He then took her to New, New York, trying to remember the good times with Rose but instead he felt guilty that when he had to save her he didn't know anything about her. He wasn't like that, he had let losing Rose affect not only himself, but everyone he came in contact with.

He loved Rose on some level, knew he would always love her but he had also loved Koschei. Martha had been able to do something that Rose never could though, she got him to talk. He had told her all about Gallifrey and spent many a night when they were stuck in the 1960's telling her about planets and companions. It felt good to talk and she always responded just right. She laughed with him, gasped at his heroics and on more then one occasion just held his hand.

When they had returned from Malcassairo with Jack in tow, he had led them to stop the Master and in turn hoped to save his friend. But when the tables had been turned he had turned to Martha and asked her to do the one thing he knew Rose never could have. He asked her to walk the planet for him.

-DW-

"Wake up," Jack gently shook his shoulder and he woke with a grunt. His neck was stiff from sleeping against the car door and he wiped his face. "We're at the hub. Let's get changed and get to bed."

"I'm not tired," He yawned and Jack laughed.

"I can see that," He smiled, they got out of the SUV and headed into the hub and down to Jack's room. The Doctor changed and climbed into bed, turning on his side so that he was facing away from Jack. He closed his eyes as Jack climbed into the bed. But rather then laying down Jack sat against the headboard. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves before he spoke to the Doctor.

"I know what the Master did to you aboard the Valiant."


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning this chapter has a brief non-con scene.

When Jack told the Doctor that he knew everything, he hoped one of two things would happen. A. The Doctor would speak about what happened or B. The Doctor would question Jack and then elaborate on what he knew. Jack though suspected that the Doctor would go with option C and pretend to be asleep. Though he was still hopeful he would talk within the next few days. So needless to say Jack was surprised when the Doctor went with his own option. He turned to look at Jack with wide scared eyes, and began to hyperventilate.

"Calm down. You're okay." Jack soothed him as he rubbed the Doctor's shoulder. He watched with concern as the Doctor's eyes rolled up in his head and he passed out. The Doctor wasn't even out a full minute before he shot awake again. He scrambled to get away from Jack and fell hard to the floor. Jack crawled over and looked at the Doctor with concern.

"Are you okay?" He asked softly.

"Please, leave me alone," the Doctor begged. Jack leaned back. He stayed close enough that he could still see the Doctor but was far enough back to give the Doctor an illusion of privacy. The Doctor had his knees drawn up to his chest, his arms were wrapped around his legs and he was staring forward.

"You're not the only one who went through hell during the year that never was." Jack continued after awhile and the Doctor just turned his eyes towards him. "The Master and I spent many hours together. Martha walked the Earth for you. Have you ever talked to her about what happened?"

"No," The Doctor replied.

"You should. She never wanted to burden you with it but she will have scars for the rest of her life."

"It's all my fault." The Doctor whimpered.

"Did you help the Master bring the Toclafane here or help him to enslave the Earth after killing millions of people? " Jack asked him seriously leaning closer again. The Doctor just shook his head no.

"Then how can you possibly think it's your fault?" Jack wondered.

"Because I didn't stop him."

"You tried and failed a few times during that year. In the end you did stop him and time was reversed saving everyone." Jack said. The Doctor opened his mouth but Jack didn't give him a chance to talk. "I don't care if you loved him or if you forgave him. I don't even care if after all that, you wanted to save him. If it weren't for you how many billions of more lives would have ended."

"I know but..."

"No buts," Jack interrupted him. "Now come to bed, you need your sleep." Jack crawled back on his side and covered up. The Doctor stood and disappeared into the bathroom for a moment before climbing under the covers. Surprising Jack again, he laid down close to Jack and placed his head on Jack's chest, he grabbed on to Jack's shirt, curling his fingers in it and holding it tightly. Jack carefully eased his arm out and held the Doctor to him.

Jack was almost asleep when he heard the Doctor say in a low voice, "Thank you." He snuggled closer and sighed as Jack kissed his head.

-DW-

The Doctor was sitting quietly at the table in the kitchen the next morning drinking a cup of tea and pushing oatmeal around a bowl, when Martha arrived. He watched her as she poured herself a cup of coffee and then sat down at the table near Jack.

"Jack says you have scars from that year." He said still watching her.

"I do," She replied. "Why did Jack tell you this?" She directed the question at the Doctor as she glared at Jack.

"I told him I know what happened aboard the Valiant and he hyperventilated until he passed out." Jack explained and then winced as Martha punched him in the arm. She turned back to the Doctor.

"I got burned when Japan fell." She explained. "It also wasn't always easy, I did get cuts and scrapes from just trying to move around."

"I'm sorry," The Doctor apologized.

"I don't want you to be sorry. I don't blame you for any of my scars. There is only one person I blame and he is the Master." Martha informed him.

"What about your family?"

"They don't blame you either. Not even my mother. She knows that you and Jack protected her and Tish from the Master aboard the Valiant. She also knows you tried to stop Leo from being executed publicly by the Toclafane." Martha reached over and took the Doctor's hand. "You did nothing wrong except for trying to end it rather then seeing all the good you did."

"Where did you get burned?" The Doctor wondered changing the subject back from himself.

"On my back and legs." Martha answered.

"Can I see?" In response Martha stood and turned around she lifted up her shirt to show extensive scaring across her back and down below her pants line. She fixed her shirt and then sat down again.

"They say I am the only one to make it out of Japan alive, but it isn't true. There was also a girl, no more then a child who made it out. I got burned trying to pull her out of a building she was trapped in." Martha explained.

"What happened to her?" The Doctor asked.

"I don't know, I left her in a refugee camp that I had stopped in. They treated my burns and gave me new clothes. There was a couple there who had lost their child a few years back. They took her in and that was the last I saw of her. I still think about her though and wonder if she is happy."

"I watched Japan fall from the Valiant. After it was over we believed you were dead. It was almost a week later before he received word that you were alive and he was angry. I don't think during that year he had ever beat me worse." The Doctor said looking down at his untouched food. He went silent again with his thoughts.

After determining the Doctor wasn't going to eat anymore Jack took him to his office. The Doctor picked up his thinking glasses and a new item that come through the rift along with a screwdriver. He missed his sonic but Jack still wouldn't allow him to have it. He sat down and put the glasses on as he leaned forward with his tongue pressed against the back of his front teeth in concentration.

"After Japan fell and he hurt you, wasn't that also the first time he..." Jack trailed off as he sat down at his desk. The Doctor didn't bother to look up.

"So," he responded softly.

"Why didn't you tell Martha?" Jack asked him as he started to work on the computer. This time the Doctor did look up briefly.

"Tell her that when he found out not only did he beat me but he raped me, because she was alive and he was furious. Why would I do that?" The Doctor questioned Jack. He jammed the screwdriver harder then necessary in to the artifact and a piece chipped off of it. The Doctor swore and Jack lifted an eyebrow at him.

"Want to go for a walk?" Jack wondered.

"Yes," he sounded desperate. Jack stood and the two of them headed outside. The Doctor quickly walked ahead of Jack along the edge by the water and Jack let him. It was a cool day and Jack wished he had grabbed his coat but the Doctor seemed perfectly comfortable in the weather. Either that or his desperate need to run was making him oblivious. He continued a fast pace that was making Jack breathless.

"Stop a moment," Jack panted after almost an hour. The Doctor turned and climbed up on a bench, he sat on the back of it with his feet on the seat while Jack flopped onto it.

"Can't you ever sit normal?" Jack joked.

"On Pandatorea you're the one not sitting normal." The Doctor countered with a grin, the grin quickly faded though. "Why did he tell you?"

"He knew it upset me." Jack responded. "Was he always so evil?"

"Evil is the wrong word Jack and no. When we were children Koschei looked after me. He was only a few weeks older but he protected me at school." The Doctor shook his head and rubbed his hands down his face. "He was different before the madness overwhelmed him." He stood up and then offered a hand to help Jack up. He turned and started to walk back in the direction they had come.

"You're going to walk all the way back to the hub?" Jack asked as he began to follow him.

"Yep," The Doctor responded, "If you want you can stay here and I will send Ianto to pick you up."

"Not a bloody chance." Jack laughed.

-DW-

The Doctor watched on in horror as missile after missile had been dropped on Japan. The Master had then made him watch as the Toclafane descended on a refuge camp in Japan. He couldn't close his eyes after without seeing the carnage or hearing the people scream. Worse the Master had made Tish watch and when she closed her eyes he had one of his men force her to open them again.

He was laying in the small tent that had been his home since they boarded the Valiant, when he was suddenly grabbed by the arm and drug out. Before he had time to react he was kicked several times in the chest and stomach as the Master screamed at him.

"How did she live?" He screamed over and over again with each blow.

"I don't know who you're talking about." The Doctor cried out trying hopelessly to cover himself.

"Martha," The Master stopped kicking him as he leaned down and took a handful of the Doctor's hair and pulled his head back. "Your little bitch is alive," He cursed as he slammed the Doctor's head down on to the floor. The Master reached over and grabbed a pair of handcuffs. Locking them securely around the Doctor's wrist, grabbed him by the cuffs and drug the Doctor across the room. He threw the Doctor down and the Doctor's face hit the floor. He could taste blood in his mouth. He was then drug up again and placed in a chair.

He looked up as Tish's cries filled the room. She was being half walked, half drug into the room by two men as she struggled between them. They led her over to the conference table.

"Don't you touch her." The Doctor cried out as the Master began to head over to her. "Whatever you are planning to do to her, do to me instead. Just leave her alone." The Master ran his finger down Tish's face and The Doctor saw her gag.

"Grab him." The Master said pushing her aside. 

"No," Tish cried out as she was forced to kneel on the floor. One of the guards came over and pulled him to his feet. 

"Shut her up." The Master hissed and he heard the slap. He looked over his shoulder to see the man forcing a gag in her mouth, her eyes wide and scared. "You want to take her place Doctor," The Master hissed as he came up beside him. The Master grabbed his other arm and together the guard and him forced him over to the conference table. 

"Please stop," He said as firmly as he could. 

"You or her," The Master hissed as he undid the belt and zipper on his trousers, allowing them to fall to the floor. The Master kicked them away and then walked up behind him. He felt a hand on his back pushing him to bend over the table. Repulsed he fought but as the butt of the gun hit his temple, stars flashed in front of his eyes and he blacked out for a moment. 

When he came to, he didn't know how long he had been out, but the pain that went through him was overwhelming and he cried out as the Master continued to move. His hips were slammed repeatedly into the table. He balled his hand into fist and dug his fingernails into his hands. The Master didn't say anything as he thrust himself harder and spilled himself inside of the Doctor. 

"Did you enjoy that?" The Master asked as he pulled out and the Doctor fell to the floor. He was grabbed and forced to bend over the table again as the Master removed the cuffs and then picked up the belt. He cried out as the Master forced himself back into his body and began to move again as the first blow from the belt landed. He didn't know how long the pain from both went on, until his body couldn't take it anymore and he felt the darkness overwhelm him again. 

He awoke later to a cool wet cloth being wiped over his face. He didn't know how long he had been laying there. His whole body ached. His vision was slightly hazy as he looked up through one eye that was nearly swollen shut from the gun hitting his face. Blood covered his body and he wasn't sure where it was from.

"I am so sorry," A soft male voice said to him and he passed out again.

-DW-

"It was you." The Doctor stopped suddenly and turned to Jack.

"It was me what?" Jack said.

"You took care of me after that day." The Doctor explained. "I thought it was the Master feeling guilty but it was you."

"He didn't even have the courage to bring you in himself. He just had his men drag you in and leave you at my feet. My hands were unchained and one leg. They placed a guard on me with a gun. I thought you were dead at first, all the blood and bruises. I took care of you for almost a week before they took you away again. They had to kill me to get you away." Jack looked down. "When we found you in the console room all I could think was that the Master had finally won, he had finally killed you."

Jack looked up as he felt the Doctor place his hands on Jack shoulders. He leaned forward and placed a kiss chastely on Jack's lips. He smiled at Jack before releasing him and turning to walk again. He went at a slower pace so that Jack could walk beside him.

"Do you still want to die?" Jack asked as he looked at the scars on the Doctor's wrist.

"No," The Doctor responded. "I have something worth living for."

"Really what?"

"You."


	7. Chapter 7

Jack watched as the body of a man was drug into the room and dropped at his feet. His heart dropped and he felt sick, when he realized it was the Doctor. He didn't fight as his hands were unchained and then one leg so he could kneel next to the naked man. Blood and bruises covered his body. It was when he leaned closer that he realized that the Doctor was still alive. His breathing was shallow and slow. Carefully Jack pressed two fingers against his neck and could feel a weak heartbeat.

"He needs a doctor," Jack told the men as they turned to leave.

"What do you think we brought him here for?" One of them asked and together they exited the room. He looked up and saw his normal guard was still in the room, but his gun was trained on the Doctor rather then Jack for a change. Jack got the message. If he tried to run the Doctor would die.

He looked around helplessly. He had nothing to treat the Doctor with. The door opened again and Tish came in. Her eyes were wide and bloodshot. She looked as though she was in shock and Jack was concerned for her as well. He gently brushed her arm with his hand as she said nothing to him. She knelt down and handed him a bowl with water and a towel.

"Anything else," Jack asked hopefully and Tish just shook her head as she turned to leave again. Jack took his shirt off and folded it. He placed it carefully under the Doctor's head and then dunking a corner of the towel in the water began to clean the Doctor's face. The Doctor's eyes opened just a crack.

"I am so sorry," Jack whispered. He didn't know what had caused the Master to beat the Doctor so fiercely but something had obviously angered the man. The Doctor's eyes closed again as he passed out. Jack carefully washed the Doctor, growing angrier when he realized where the blood on the Doctor's thighs had come from. Once the Doctor was cleaned up as best as he could, he realized he had nothing to cover him with. He lay down next to the Doctor holding him gently trying to warm the cool body as it shivered against him. 

Over the next few days he some how kept the Doctor alive with the small food and water rations he received. The Doctor's eyes would flutter open every once in awhile but he never seemed aware what was going on. When the guards came again for the Doctor. Jack fought them and then every thing went black. When he came to, he was shackled again and the Doctor was gone.

-DW-

Jack walked slowly beside the Doctor deep in thought. He had always loved the Doctor, but he had never thought the feelings would be reciprocated. He could still feel the Doctor's lips against his and wished he had returned the kiss rather then freezing. He was Captain Jack Harkness but the man walking beside him could make him forget that and made him feel weak at the knees.

He didn't realize the Doctor had stopped again until he heard his name being called.

"Jack," The Doctor sounded exasperated.

"Huh," Jack asked stopping and turning to look at the Doctor. The Doctor chuckled.

"You passed the hub." He informed Jack as he pointed at the information center.

"Sorry, I was lost in thought." Jack explained.

"I could see that." The Doctor grinned. He grabbed Jack's hand and led him to the hub.

When they crawled into bed later that night, the Doctor waited for Jack to get settled first before laying against him again. Jack put one hand on the Doctor's shoulder and used his other hand to tilt the Doctor's face up. The Doctor looked at him hesitantly as he leaned down and pressed their lips softly together. The Doctor immediately tensed. But when Jack did nothing but hold him and kiss him softly he began to relax. After awhile Jack broke the kiss and settled down to sleep.

The Doctor lay awake against him. Every fiber of his body was begging him to run at the same time he felt safe and warm in Jack's arms.

"Jack," He whispered.

"Hmmmm."

"I c-c-can't" He stuttered. 

"I know." Jack replied.

-DW-

He awoke in the tent again. He didn't know how much time had passed and that worried him. His body was still bruised but he could breathe easier. He curled into himself as the bell sounded, signaling the Master wanted him. He lay there trying to curl small enough he would be forgotten.

"You're testing my patience, Doctor," The Master hissed at him and he flinched. "You have five seconds to get out here or I will make you regret it. Better yet I will make that lovely little Tish regret it."

The Doctor hesitated as the Master started to count. He exited the tent at three not wanting to test the Master.

"Get Tish," The Master said as he grabbed the Doctor's hair and drug him across the room.

"Please don't hurt her," the Doctor begged as Tish was led into the room. The Master turned and looked at the Doctor with a cold smile. He walked over to Tish and grabbed her roughly by the arm, dismissing the men who brought her in.

"Oh, Doctor. I don't plan to hurt her. You're going to." He brought Tish over and stood her in front of the Doctor. "She has been disobeying me and sneaking that man extra food rations. Now she has to be punished."

"I won't hurt her," The Doctor replied.

"Then I will." The Master raised his hand and Tish squinted.

"Stop," The Doctor pleaded, the Master ignored him and Tish cried out as his hand made contact with her face. Still holding her arm, he twisted it as he pushed her to the floor in front of the Doctor.

"Get on your hands and knees and place your face in her lap," The Master demanded and the Doctor hesitated. He raised his hand again at Tish and the Doctor quickly followed his orders.

"You don't want to do this." The Doctor told the Master.

"Oh but I do." The Master replied undoing his zipper.

-DW-

The Doctor woke up in a cold sweat. He was breathing heavily from the nightmare. Quickly getting out of bed he ran to the bathroom and fell on his knees in front of the toilet. Talking wasn't making it better. He just felt worse as the memories were resurfacing. He could still see the bruises on Tish's legs he had caused from gripping them from the pain. No apologies could change the fact he had hurt her.

He felt a soothing hand on his back as his stomach released everything in it. His stomach kept cramping and he kept gagging long after it was empty. Jack stayed right beside him the whole time telling him it was all right. As his stomach gave up on forcing itself out of his body with everything else, Jack stood and walked to the tub. He heard the water turn on. He kept his head down, not daring to move until he heard the water turn off again.

"Come on," Jack said softly. He helped the Doctor stand and undress before helping him into the warm water. He sunk up to his neck in it as Jack got on his knees beside him. With gentle hands he cleaned the Doctor's face.

"Want to tell me what that was about?" Jack asked.

"I had a nightmare." The Doctor replied closing his eyes.

"You have a lot of nightmares, you haven't got sick before." Jack responded. "What made this one different?"

"I don't want to talk about it." He whimpered. He held his breath and sunk below the surface. Jack sighed and put his hands under the Doctor's arms, pulling him back up the surface. Jack then stood up and got undressed.

"Move forward," He told the Doctor. He climbed in the tub behind the Doctor and then pulled the Doctor so that his back was rested against Jack's chest. He put his arms around the Doctor and held him close. The water temperature was a little cool to Jack but he didn't complain because he knew it was warm to the Doctor's cooler body.

"After the first time, he use to make me put my head in Tish's lap and hold her legs. I didn't mean to bruise her but it hurt Jack," The Doctor whispered. "I couldn't stop myself."

"Yet you blame yourself for him forcing you to hurt her, while he hurt you." Jack soothed him. "Doesn't that seem silly?"

"Yes," The Doctor admitted.

"Then stop blaming yourself." Jack told him and the Doctor nodded. Jack knew it wasn't that simple but he really hoped it was a start. He kissed the back of the Doctor's neck as he held him. "I don't blame you for him keeping me chained up and I don't blame you for the times he had you thrown at my feet. I took care of you on several different occasions during that year. The only person to blame for that year is the Master Koschei."

The Doctor didn't respond and Jack didn't expect him to. After a little while he had the Doctor lean forward and helped him out of the tub before getting out himself. The Doctor didn't assist Jack as Jack dried him off, dressed him and then helped him into bed. As soon as Jack laid down he practically climbed on Jack, holding his shirt tightly and buried his head against his chest as deep sobs overtook him, shaking his body. He finally let himself realize that it was his childhood friend who had hurt him and not some strange man who called himself the Master. He cried until he couldn't anymore and sleep overtook him.

-DW-

Jack awoke early the next day. The Doctor was still sound asleep and for once he looked peaceful. Jack had never seen him look so young. He dressed for work and then climbed up into the hub. He was on his second cup of coffee when Martha arrived.

"Morning Jack," She said happily. "How is he today?"

"Go take a look, but be quiet he had a long night." Jack replied. Martha poked her head into their room and smiled.

"It's hard to believe that is the same broken man who arrived here." She told Jack as she accepted a cup of tea and sat down near him.

"I know. He actually cried about what happened last night. Not just pity tears because he is trapped here. I just hope the progress continues."

"If it does, next week we will let him have a day trip in the TARDIS." Martha said. "But Jack you also have to expect set backs, just don't let them discourage you."

"I'll try not to."

"If it does, just come talk to me and I'll remind you how far he has actually come." Martha stood and stretched. "I'm going to go start organizing my reports so Ianto can file them when he gets here. Please bring the Doctor to me when he wakes up, so I can see if I can finally get him off the antibiotic pill."

"I will," Jack responded.


	8. Chapter 8

As the morning wore on the Doctor remained asleep. When eleven rolled around and he still made no move to get up Jack went down to their room intent on waking him. The Doctor had curled himself around a pillow and was buried beneath the blankets breathing evenly. He looked so peaceful that Jack didn't have the heart to wake him and instead headed back up stairs.

"Softy," Martha laughed as he entered the hub again alone.

"Yeah," Jack agreed, a thought crossed his mind. "How is Tish?"

"She's doing okay," Martha replied narrowing her eyes. "Why?"

"I was just thinking it might be beneficial for both her and the Doctor if she could come by the hub and talk to him."

"I take it you know something I don't." Martha inquired and Jack nodded. "I don't know if she will. She avoids group therapy so she doesn't have to talk about him to us."

"Believe me it is something they both need." Jack sighed.

"But you won't tell me why." Martha tried again.

"It's not my place," Jack responded. After another hour he returned to their room. Laying down in front of the Doctor he kissed his head working down to his mouth. Lazily the Doctor kissed him back as his eyes opened. Jack kept the kissing soft as he ran his hand down the Doctor's back.

The Doctor tensed immediately and his eyes filled with fear. He gasped into Jack's mouth and Jack ran his hand upwards again. He kept the slow movements until the Doctor relaxed into the kissing again. He then moved his hand up the Doctor's face and caressed his cheek as he deepened the kiss. The Doctor moaned this time closing his eyes as Jack continued to kiss him. The sound of a throat clearing behind them brought them both back to reality. Jack turned to see Martha standing there.

"Can I talk to you a moment Jack?" She asked sounding irritated.

"You're in trouble," The Doctor sang. Jack laughed and hit him with a pillow.

"Go take a shower." He told the Doctor and the Doctor disappeared into the bathroom. Martha waited until she heard the water start before turning on Jack.

"When were you going to tell me?" She demanded to know. "How long has this been going on?"

"Only since yesterday and I was going to tell you when I knew more." Jack tried to explain.

"I'm fine with you having a relationship if you can handle it. Just don't make him promises you can't keep at the moment. Hurting him emotionally would be just as bad as hurting him physically at this point." Martha chastised Jack.

"You think I don't know that. You don't have to hold him while he shakes from fear. I can't even touch him without him tensing up and thinking I am going to hurt him." Jack angrily replied. "He was physically sick last night from memories from that year. But you know what he told me?"

"What?" Martha asked.

"That he doesn't want to die anymore and part of that is because of me. I can't just let that go Martha. I have waited too long for him and you know that." Jack snipped.

"Just be careful," Martha responded. "I don't want to have to pick up the pieces again."

"You won't have to." Jack replied.

"I hope not." She said as the water turned off. The Doctor stepped out with a towel wrapped around his waist and eyed them both. From the look on his face Jack wondered how much he had heard but the Doctor didn't comment. He got dressed and allowed Martha to examine his arm before heading upstairs for lunch.

-DW-

"Doctor quit trying my patience," The Master sighed as he hid in his tent. His body ached from the recent beating he had received and he didn't want to move. Tish cried out from the room and he realized he had no choice. Slowly he made his way out into the room and into the wheelchair that the Master had provided. He hated the chair with a passion but he was required to sit in it.

"Martha is on the move again. Why don't you just tell me where the pieces of that gun are?" The Master asked him and he ignored him staring forward. He hadn't said two words to the Master in a month unless he was forced to. He looked at Tish who had tears running down her face and his hearts broke again. Her arm had been bruised by the Master's hand and she walked stiff legged, with them slightly bowed and he knew he had caused the pain in her legs. The Master made her wear a short maid's outfit that showed where his fingers had left black and blue bruises along her thighs.

"No," The Master grabbed the chair and leaned into his face. "I will find her and then I will bring here her and kill her. Tell me where the gun is and I might make it a quick death, unlike that brother of hers. Tell me Doctor can you still hear his screams?" When he didn't answer the Master turned the chair and pushed it so he slammed into the wall and his head hit afterwards.

"He gets no food until I say so," The Master told Tish, "And if I find out you have been feeding him, you'll wish for death long before I grant it."

-DW-

The Doctor had always been good at ignoring his hunger but on the Valiant that became nearly impossible. He was denied food as the Master threw daily banquets for all the people aboard, excluding the Jones, Jack and himself of course. The smell of succulent meat and fresh baked bread filled the room. The staff were constantly marching past the Doctor with platters filled with cheeses and fruits. Bowls with potatoes, vegetables and gravies lined the table. For desserts there were cakes, puddings and jellies.

When supper was done at night the food was left on the table and the Doctor chained to just within reach of it. He tried his best to ignore his aching stomach as it gnawed at him, but he was close to breaking. Luckily for him, the Master broke first. Unfortunately for Tish, she was in his line of sight when it happened. The Doctor watched in horror as the Master pushed her down the stairs, breaking her arm. He then grabbed the sobbing girl and drug her across the floor by the broken arm. The Doctor actually was relieved when she passed out from the pain, ending her screaming.

The Master laid her by the Doctor before turning his attention to the Doctor. The punches and kicks came swift. "You stubborn fool." The Master hissed as he continued to beat him. Finally he stormed away leaving the two of them alone in the room. The food had been cleared and he turned off the lights as he left, leaving the room pitch black. The Doctor carefully felt over to Tish. Finding her arm she cried out as he felt it, trying to find the break.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. Finally finding it he didn't give her warning as he quickly set her arm. She cried out but went silent quickly as she passed out again. He ran his fingers down her arm again and could still feel the bump of the bone. He used her maid's apron to try to hold the bones in place but it was futile. She would eventually need surgery on her arm as it quickly became the Master's favorite way to gain both of their attention.

-DW-

"I've asked Martha to invite Tish over," Jack informed the Doctor over lunch. The Doctor dropped the chip he had been holding back on the plate as he turned pale.

"W-w-why?" The Doctor stuttered.

"Because Jack felt the two of you should talk sweetie," Martha said kindly as she grabbed the bin. She placed it next to the Doctor's chair. "She's coming by later this afternoon to pick me up anyways. You two can talk then if you would like."

The Doctor nodded slowly but he didn't say anything more. He stood up and walked slowly out of the room. Martha started to follow but Jack motioned for her to stop. He was curious of what he was going to do left to his own devices. His phone beeped and he sighed as he read the message.

"He's at the vault door again," Jack stated shaking his head. When he got down there he was surprised to see the Doctor just standing there staring at the door. He hadn't attempted to break in, he was just staring at them with a look of longing.

"Can I see her?" He asked Jack as he came up behind.

"If you do well you can take her on a trip next week," Jack responded leaning against the wall. The Doctor turned his head to look at him.

"I just want to see her Jack." He said again turning to look back at the doors. Jack walked over to the keypad and entered the code. As the doors slid open the Doctor bounced happily. He practically ran through the doors once the gap was big enough and by the time Jack had followed he was all ready through the TARDIS doors. The doors still remained open and Jack found the Doctor by the console loving stroking it.

"Thank you for putting her on standby power," He smiled at Jack as he walked around checking the settings. He frowned at the chain on her hand break but didn't say anything. Moving back to the front he took off one of the panels, laid down and slid his upper body beneath it. Jack sat down in the pilot seat and let him work on the TARDIS.

"This would be easier with my sonic," He called out after a while.

"Don't push it," Jack called back laughing. A humph noise was his reply.

-DW-

Martha and Jack gave the Doctor and Tish privacy as they talked a couple of days later. The Doctor sat across from her at the conference table. Her arm was still bandaged from a recent operation and she had two more lined up to finish trying to fix the damage. She didn't know if she would ever have complete use of her arm again. They didn't talk about what happened to them on the Valiant, neither were ready for that yet. They also ignored the scars on his wrist. Instead they talked as two strangers would about what was going on in the world around them.

The two remained cold and distant towards each other but as she was leaving she turned to the Doctor. "I would like to come by again, if that's okay with you."

"Fine," The Doctor replied with a small grin. She turned to leave again with Martha. She was almost out the door when the Doctor called out to her again. "Tish."

"Yes, Doctor," she questioned stopping again.

"I'm sorry," He said. "I am so so sorry."

"Me too." She said softly looking down and then hurrying out the door. Jack wrapped his arm around the Doctor's waist and the Doctor leaned his head against Jack's shoulder. Both of their arms were reminders of the scars formed during that year. Jack just hoped the Doctor would see that his didn't make him any weaker.


	9. Chapter 9

When he was finally shown all his years and stuffed in a birdcage on the Valiant it was almost a relief. While he was in the cage the Master took great pleasure in spinning it until he was sick but the rapes and the beatings stopped. Tish was allowed to give him food and the meager portions filled his tiny stomach. He knew that Martha was almost at the end of her journey and he had connected with the network.

He reversed time, saved the universe but he couldn't save the Master. He still believed somewhere in that mind of his was his old friend and he wanted more then anything to help him. He also just wanted to understand but the Master's wife took that option from him with a single bullet. The Master could have regenerated if he had wanted to but he chose not to and the answers were lost to him forever.

Jack helped him to burn the body and fix the TARDIS, then both him and Martha left. He told both of them he was fine while really he was screaming on the inside for someone to help him. Someone to notice he wasn't fine at all. He wanted help at first but over the next few weeks that feeling changed to the fact he didn't deserve help. Digging through the rooms of the companion's who had betrayed him he found a knife. He wondered if Jack realized that it was on his knife that he had slit his wrist.

-DW-

The Doctor was laying on his stomach and Jack was massaging his back with gentle movements. He would get the Doctor relaxed and then push his comfort with dipping a hand lower or nibbling on his neck or ear. He was slowly pushing the Doctor's comfort while trying to help him realize again that all sex wasn't bad. From their discussions over the last week the Doctor didn't care about sex. He had only had a few experiences and the Master had destroyed any good thoughts he had towards it.

The Doctor had instead reinforced what Jack all ready knew. He loved to be touched and held and so that was exactly what Jack was doing. Except Jack was determined to make the Doctor realize again that it was okay.

"Roll on to your back," Jack hissed as he nibbled the Doctor's ear. The Doctor tensed again as Jack began to massage his chest. He kept his eyes tightly closed as Jack worked on his arms and then legs. It was when Jack got close to his groin that his eyes shot open and he tried to move away.

"Easy," Jack comforted him. "I'm not going to hurt you. This stops when ever you say to. Do you understand, you have complete control."

"Stop," The Doctor's voice shook and Jack held up his hands and backed away. The Doctor quickly scooted off the bed and scurried out into the hub. He hurried on to the TARDIS, which had been moved again from the vault to by the rift manipulator in preparation for their trip later in the day. He hurried past the console room, down deep into the library where he climbed to the top corner of the furthest part of the room. Sitting down against the bookshelf he took a deep breath.

He had hoped by confessing to Jack he cared for him, Jack could help him move past his fear of being touched. But every time Jack tried to push it fear overtook him. He never would be able to give Jack that type of relationship. But oh, how he wanted to try though.

"Doctor," Martha called from the lower levels and he pushed himself closer to the books. Her calls became more distant as she moved on looking for him.

"Doctor, come on I know you are in here." Jack called out about a half hour later. "I'm sorry if I scared you."

"You didn't," He replied.

"No," Jack responded. "Then why did you run?"

"Because I want to Jack, but I can't." The Doctor replied.

"You don't have to," Jack said his voice getting closer. "I don't expect anything Doctor. As I said you are in complete control. It goes as far as you want." He looked up as Jack approached him. "And if you want it to end that happens too."

He offered the Doctor a hand up and the Doctor took it. He kissed Jack softly. He wasn't use to being so open and admitting his feelings but he was relieved that Jack had understood.

"So where are you taking us?" Jack wondered.

"Regulus nine to see the meteor shower," The Doctor answered. "There is a small valley that is uninhabited and has a crystal clear lake in the middle. It is impossible to reach by any conventional means but I can land the TARDIS there and we will have a fantastic view."

-DW-

Later that night the Doctor was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Jack couldn't sleep though. The Doctor was making leaps and bounds. The Doctor who was with them now was no longer the broken man who showed up, nor was he the man who had hidden his feelings in an attempt not to be hurt. Jack knew the time was coming when keeping the Doctor here would no longer be justified. As happy as he was that the Doctor was well again, he also didn't want it to end. He realized he was being selfish but he loved waking up by the Doctor each morning and spending the day together. He feared that once the Doctor left that any hint of a relationship they might have would be over.

The Doctor began to whimper in a nightmare. Jack reached over to comfort him and the Doctor flinched away. "No," he moaned in his sleep and Jack stopped. The Doctor rolled over and grabbed on to Jack's leg holding it tightly. Jack carefully placed his hand on the Doctor's head and stroked his hair.

Then again maybe the Doctor needed more time after all. He just hoped that one day soon the hyperactive man would be back.

-DW-

"When I am going to be allowed to travel again?" The Doctor asked Jack a few days later.

"You want to leave me?" Jack asked feeling his heart break. The Doctor looked at Jack confused.

"I want you to come with me." The Doctor stated as he picked up an artifact and headed with Jack towards the vault.

"I told you before, Doc, I have a responsibility to my team. I can't just leave them to run off with you."

"Jack, it's a time machine. We could explore for a hundred years and still be back in time for supper tonight." The Doctor informed him as he set the artifact down on the shelf. He then turned and wrapped his arms around Jack. He kissed Jack softly on the lips and then leaned his head against Jack's shoulder. Jack wrapped his arms tighter around the Doctor as he began to shake.

"What's wrong sweetheart?" Jack asked him as he held him tightly.

"Stay with me," He mumbled into Jack's shoulder.

"I'm not going anywhere," Jack promised him. The Doctor took Jack's hand and led him to their bedroom. With shaking hands he began to unbutton Jack's shirt. Jack took the Doctor's hands in his and held them.

"You don't have to do this." Jack advised him softly. The Doctor pulled away moving his hands back to Jack's shirt.

"Yes I do," he whispered. Jack stood there while the Doctor undressed him. He then took the Doctor in his arms again and kissed him, slowly working on the Doctor's clothes. He removed the Doctor's shirt and then held him tightly again as the shaking started. Carefully he laid the Doctor on the bed, before climbing on the bed next to him and then let him take control again.

They spent most of the afternoon in each other's arms. He kept his movements gentle and slow with the Doctor. He lay on his side as the Doctor moved inside him, with careful hesitant movements. He had to reassure the Doctor it was okay several time and helped the Doctor to bring them both to release. After as they lay holding each other, the Doctor traced circles on Jack's stomach.

"What are you writing?" Jack asked him. The Doctor blushed and leaned up kissing Jack passionately on the lips. He leaned back and saw in Jack's eyes that he understood.

"I love you too," Jack whispered.

It was a week later when Martha, Jack and the Doctor sat down to talk. Martha agreed to let the Doctor travel again as long as someone went with him. The childlike happiness in the Doctor's eyes made it impossible for Jack to tell him no. He prepared the TARDIS while Jack removed the deadlock chain.

The Doctor would have many set backs during their travels together and the scars on his wrist would always be a reminder of how far he had fallen but as long as Jack was there he knew he would have someone to catch him.


End file.
